my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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