When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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