I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
