Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
