I just threw up on my dentist
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
