I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
