Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
