Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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