Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
