2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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