Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
