Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
