dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
