if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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