you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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