im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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