im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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