I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
