is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
