I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
