I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think people are normalizing furries
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
