he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
