It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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