But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
