I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
