i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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