Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I supernannyed him into submission
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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