My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
