it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
