You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
