She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
