Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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