I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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