your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
