So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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