Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
