just come out here and I will go home with you...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
