Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
