there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
