A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
