I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
