You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
