I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
