Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
