I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
false alarm, still single
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
