she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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