Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
