her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
