So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is Oprah even human
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
