Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
