guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
