im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
