saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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