I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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