i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
