Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
