yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
