i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
