he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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