Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She announced her abortion via fbk
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
