that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
