he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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