Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
