Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
