I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
