; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
