If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
