mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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