Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
