no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
