it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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