You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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